Update

Listening to: 'Tell You Something' by Alicia Keys [As I Am]

I've been so utterly busy that I haven't had time to blog for 2 whole weeks! I should be getting ready for bed now but I was having blogger withdrawal so here I am with a quick update.

Those of you who watched the X Factor results show on Sunday would've seen Alicia Keys' performance. How amazing was she?!?! I'm in love. So in love am I that I haven't been able to listen to anything else for the past 3 days...and I JUST BOOKED A TICKET TO SEE HER LIVE AT THE O₂ NEXT MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's the day before my birthday, how cool is that?! The only catch is that I don't know if I'll actually be in the UK in May...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I missed the youtube concert yesterday 'cos I was being sociable, but I'll try and watch the highlights at some point. Her new single Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart is absolutely gorgeous...I can't wait for the album!

In other news, I'm going home next week!!! I'm swimming in a sea of unfinished experiments, horrible weather, a messy flat and a really bad cold, and at times it's difficult to get excited about going home 'cos there's so much to do. I'm also paranoid that SriLankan is gonna mess up my booking, which doesn't help. I am, however, getting excited about my friend's wedding. I'm supposed to be organising the hen party and giving a speech, neither of which I've done before...so it should be interesting. Hopefully I'll get time to actually write the speech! Sigh at this rate I'm gonna have a hell of a lot of things to do on the flight.

The Teaching Associate Programme I mentioned earlier is going really well...I've been observing lecturers and it's a real eye-opener! Wow I was such a horrible undergrad. The only thing I'm dreading is writing essays based on my findings. I don't 'do' essays. Blogging and thesis-writing are the closest I get to writing prose. Anyway we shall see.

Hmm there's nothing else to report, really. Work is going OK *touchwood*, I'm just trundling along until I go home. There's the usual mix of newish music I'm enjoying, like the Alicia Keys track I mentioned above, and the new Plan B track Stay Too Long. He might look like a chav, but the boy's got talent.

OK I'm properly yawning now so I guess it's time to hit the sack. This rather haphazard post marks 100 posts for this year!!! This is a lot more than I usually manage, so it's quite a big deal for me. I've also noticed that my comment count has gone up considerably, so thank you to everyone who reads this blog and takes the time to comment :-). As usual, I probably won't have much time to blog from SL, so this might be the last you hear from me for this year. I'll try and get a few updates in, but if I can't...here's wishing you a peaceful end to 2009 and a prosperous start to 2010!

Bullyproofing my 16 year old self

Listening to: Radio 1

I've been tagged by Scrumpy and Whacko in the latest blogging tag, and 1720GMT today is the big moment for BBC's anti-bullying campaign, bullyproof...so I've combined the two into one mega post...

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Hello chuti^[1] PR,

What?! Don't tell me I'm disrupting your precious O/L revision...we both know you were napping. Ammi^[2] doesn't know yet...but as usual, she will soon. No, I'm not the Ghost of Christmas Future...this is November, fool. And can you please stop trying to explain this in your usual painstakingly logical manner and shut up so I can impart you with a few pearls of wisdom? Not that you'd listen to me anyway, you stubborn little...ah, thank you.

OK...since you're supposedly studying, let's start with that. O/Ls will be fine (yes, even your 3 month crash course in Lit.). Ignore the self-righteous bigots who love to trash international schools, you'll survive. You'll love your A/L subjects...except Physics, which you'll just 'like'. A/Ls will seem easier than O/Ls. Yeah you're weird like that...accept it. Embrace it even! More on that later.

FFS don't worry about all those people trying to turn you into a mini Thaththi^[3] (you look like him, that's enough)! Do what appeals to you. Remember when you were 7, you told Ammi you'd study at Oxford? Screw that, you're going some place far better ;-)...don't let that horrendous mock interview faze you. At university, your grades will be marginally above average, which'll take some getting used to. But do your best, that's what counts. Oh and you know that desire to help others understand stuff? Keep that at the foremost of your mind...it'll be motivation for some serious shit you put yourself through. Your PhD (yes, you do a PhD) will be one heck of a rollercoaster ride...better toughen up your stomach!

Hmm what next? Ah yes. The PMS will improve...no more puking and fainting...oh except for this one time when you faint at freshers' fair and the ambulance crew have to escort you out of the hall with loads of people watching. But yeah, the worst is over. You'll lose about 5kg over the next decade. People will continue to give you dagger looks and say you're anorexic...meh. Don't bother with the high protein/high calorie diets, they won't work for you. And I admire your resolve but not eating chocolate won't reduce your pimples, so just get back to the good stuff, k? Oh and LOOK AFTER YOUR TEETH!!!

Now the personal stuff. The easy bits first: your love life will be pretty uneventful for the next 10 years...unless unrequited infatuations count as 'events' (please don't waste your time). You will make some amazing friends, but you'll still keep in touch with the gang. You'll be two continents away from SS but you'll still be as close as ever.

Lastly, the most important part. How can I put this gently...all the times people said nasty things about your accent, your skin colour, your country, your weight, your opinions, your preferred language, your hobbies, your social class (I know you remember every instance)...the bullying has affected you. I know you think it hasn't, and you (and a lot of other people) think I'm being a dramaqueen...but it has. Greater people have turned to alcohol, drugs, self-harming etc., but you've channelled all the negative energy into your studies and you're doing ok. You're doing the right thing, and I'm very proud of you! The bullying won't stop though. People will continue to judge you by your social class (albeit from a different perspective)...they'll also be hurtful about your career choices, your gender, your life choices, your body, your race...and more. We both know that these things don't really matter, and you're principled/stubborn enough not to change simply because you're in a minority of one. But it will hurt. A lot. You will cry. A lot. And when the studies get difficult, when you get stuck and realise you can't do everything on your own...your world will fall apart. The wall you built to protect yourself from the bullies will crumble, and every ugly insecurity you can imagine will surface. You'll hate your body, your mind, your work, your personality, your friends...you'll hate every aspect of your life.

Now dry your eyes for the good news - you turn things around. You start writing a public journal (that's this thing) and vent your thoughts. You find people you can confide in. You take the extremely brave step of opening up to your parents. Slowly, but surely, you make your way back. Clichés aside, it really is a voyage of discovery. But remember this...every part of you, the good, the bad and the ugly...they're all you. And you are perfect in your imperfections. You are a good person and you live your life by the Dhamma^[4]...with that, you can't go wrong. You'll be bruised and battered by people's harsh words, but you must nurse yourself back to health. Don't let anyone belittle you, your hopes or your fears. Love and accept yourself unconditionally. Please. If not you, then who?

OK I'm outta here. Know that I'm very proud of you, and you don't turn out so bad ;-).

With Blessings of the Noble Trip Gem, and the biggest, warmest hug ever,

Loku^[5] PR

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Sorry for the long and unfunny read; it's stuff I've been wanting to blog about for a while. One person's bullying is another person's banter and sometimes it's hard to tell them apart, but please try. A little sensitivity goes a long way.

Tagged: Sabby and Lady Divine

1 - little; 2 - Mother; 3 - Father; 4 - Buddhist teachings; 5 - big

Have you met Phil the badger?

Listening to: Radio 1

I couldn't not blog about this. So there's this awesome drum n bass track by J Majik & Wickaman called Feel About You. Chris Moyles seems to think that it sounds like they're singing 'Phil the Badger'...and now every time I hear the song, I have this urge to sing "Phil the badger, Phil the badger"! Some people are saying 'feel the badger' but I think 'Phil the badger' sounds a lot better.

Isn't it funny how we sometimes think we know the words to songs and we sing along, only to find that we're singing something completely different?